Caught Between the Promise and the Things I Know

Above is the calendar with all of our departure dates on it....also known as the calendar of sadness...


Someone asked me today what I would miss most about Lagniappe, and I struggled to come up with an answer. What I will miss most about this beautiful place isn't tangible. It's the love here. It's our love for God, love for each other, and our love for this city. I honestly can not describe this community, you will have to come experience it for yourself (please do- they'd love to have you down). We are just beginning to become truly familiar with the residents of this community. We see them at Waffle House (we achieved "regular" status today thanks to our awesome waitress, Tara), or Bay City Grill, or wherever, and we say to each other- "I delievered a shed to them," or "They came in yesterday," or we're recognized first and are thanked for whatever it is we were able to do for them. It is beginning to feel more and more like home each day...and now we are leaving. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but this is a reality that we are all facing, regardless of how much denial we are in.
I heard this song by Sarah Groves on Wednesday, and I stopped what I was doing and thought that the words had been composed directly from my journal...

I don't want to leave here
I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was *Tuscaloosa* wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacks
And the future *away from BSL* feels so hard
And I want to go back *or stay...whatever...*
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past *BSL* is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know

So with a little shifting of the words...this song describes me perfectly. Ryn offered a great piece of advice for me on Thursday. She said, "Take Lagniappe with you, and figure out how to make it work wherever you are." I wish there was a word for Lagniappe x a million...because that is what I have been given here. If anyone reading this does not have plans to come down here, make them. Call Cammie, and come experience it for yourself. Or come on down to Arab and visit me. We'll go eat a the L'Rancho (Little joke for the 'terns...)